The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
