i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
