YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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