i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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