I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize