so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
