Your dad touched me again.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
