I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
