YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
