I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
