I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
