Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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