He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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