i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
