Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
