She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
