Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
