i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
