Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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