Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
