wat bout pragnant strippers??
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I need to calm my uterus...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
