and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
