So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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