remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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