Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
