Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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