i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
