dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
