i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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