i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
