No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
