I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
