tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
