Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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