I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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