thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
