Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
