I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
