do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
