so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
