uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
