I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
where are my eyebrows?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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