Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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