Im at strip club and am horny
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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