kristin has been a bad kristin
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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