I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Mom said you looked used
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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