I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
