At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
