I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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