You're a womanizer and a bitch.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
