it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
