But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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