Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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