I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
