your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
