She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
