How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
