My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
