You're my little dorito
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This baby is an asshole
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
