Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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