If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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