apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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