So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
