I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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