I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
In America we eat man semen.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
