You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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