i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
