Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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