My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
As shirtless as possible
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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