I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
