I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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