If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I understand Curling. That high.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
