I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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